Back then I was raised to be a steadfast and true Christian child, protected by the armor of God and armed with the sword of the Gospel. I was raised to believe a winged, horned, fallen angel named Satan ruled over a place called Hell, where the unconfessed and the deniers of Christ would be punished for all eternity. I also learned that he could be in my body, constantly telling me to sin. Terrifying.
I attended church after church, my family always searching for something that made one ‘the right church.’ Church, scripture, and Christian radio were constants — I can’t remember a time without them. I was raised to believe that God created everything, that He knew all and was all-powerful. Eve, the “first woman,” ate fruit in a garden, and because of that, we were all inherently broken by a concept called sin.
I was taught that God’s son, Jesus, died on the cross for our sins — all of them — and that His sacrifice cleaned that sin away. Anyone who believed in Him, accepted that He died for us, and that He was coming back, would go to heaven. I imagined sitting in heaven, talking with the heroes of the Bible I had read about.
Then was a simpler time. Then I didn’t question much. Then needed to end — but only by being there could I become who I am now.
Now, I’ve found harmony in nature, and consider myself a philosopher of her mysteries. Properly, I threw away the armor of God and shed my faith six years ago — I say properly because there were multiple attempts to break the indoctrination I had endured since the moment I became conscious.
Now, I consider the concept of Lucifer as an ally — the bearer of light along the left-hand path. The path which is crooked and wide, long ago forgotten by those who preach the straight and narrow. Instead of spending hours at churches, I now spend hours researching them — learning whether they are parishes of hatred or tolerance, and informing others of what I find.
My religion teachers once told us to be able to quote scripture, because we were “engaged in spiritual warfare between the Devil and the Lord.” By their instruction, I now bring light to the shadows of verses that certain eyes prefer to overlook.
The story of Eve, like so much of Genesis, is a myth weaponized — crafted to justify female subjugation under the guise of divine origin. I spent my life watching the lessons I learned from Jesus discarded by cafeteria Christians, who chose what they wanted to apply only when it was convenient. Were He real, Jesus would not recognize a single one of them.
I learned by examining multiple editions of the bible (thanks to The Sword Project for the software which made my studies possible!). I read these versions, and watched how the verses changed over time to justify hatred & bias.
I resisted the idea that two adults loving each other was sin — let alone a worse sin than any other. Yet the Word of God said no one is beyond forgiveness... unless, of course, they blaspheme against the Holy Spirit. In that case, you’re 100% guaranteed to spend eternity separated from the love of God. It's weird that god didn't include that disclaimer for any other really bad thing....right?
Meanwhile, churches took out insurance policies to protect them against cases of child molestation by their priests. For many altar boys, confirmation came hand in hand with abuse. The news channels were talking about it. And still, the pulpit's attention was only on things occurring between consenting parties that did not affect their life at all. It became my belief that the loudest anti-LGBTQIA are the most closeted. Some assert it’s a choice — because for them, it was. They chose to mute their own desires.
If heaven welcomed me today, I’d run screaming — faster than I’d ever sit beside Peter or Noah. Can you imagine sitting in heaven, worshipping for the rest of your inconceivably long life? Eternity is a little long for some folks. Singing. Dancing. Talking. All centered around how awesome this god of yours is.
How does that honestly sound to you? Also, how do you think you'll not think of your friends who didn't make it into heaven? You know, they're suffering eternally down there while you're having a worship-fest up here. Who's worse off?
Now I walk by sight and not faith.
Now I know there is no light without shadow
Now I teach love without condition.